How To Bring More "Want To" And Less "Should" To Your Workday
It was over 20 years ago now, but I still remember the life-changing conversation I had with my friend, Wendy, about Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs.
I was drinking a latte; she was nursing an Americano and we were sharing a lemon poppy muffin at our favorite corner coffee shop when she shared her interpretation of this famous ‘scripture’: people thrive when they focus on what gives them positive energy.
In other words, do what you love to do, or what you want to do, instead of what you feel you should do.
That idea stuck with me, and I decided to experiment with the concept when I launched my business. Here’s what I realized: when you focus on what brings you energy and joy, you’re more engaged, creative, and effective. Tasks you “want” to do make you lean into your work, while the "shoulds" drag you down.
Think about it: have you ever felt that sense of dread in your stomach - feels like a tight knot - when faced with doing something that you believe you "should" do even when you really don’t “want” to?
At work that might look like attending a lunch with some people you don’t really enjoy or attending a town hall when you have some tight deadlines you are trying to meet. In your personal life, this might look like agreeing to go for a walk with someone you don’t really want to invest a lot of time in. There are many times in our lives that we do things out of a sense of obligation or because we don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings.
Now compare that to the buzz of excitement you feel when tackling something you love to do, like mentoring an up-and-coming leader or brainstorming a bold strategy with colleagues you really admire and respect. That’s the difference between draining your energy and fueling it.
This isn’t just touchy-feely advice—it’s a game-changer. When you shift your focus to the "wants" or “love to’s” in your day, you unlock a level of positivity and authenticity that ripples through everything you do. It’s what makes you want to stay late to finish a project versus resenting having to be there.
Once I got rid of “shoulds” in my life, the sense of freedom and happiness was palpable. I use this litmus test every day – when the knot in my gut screams ‘why are you doing this?!’ I pause, reflect on the why, and then come up with a new plan. It’s life-changing!
The Reality of Corporate Life
Now, I am a realist, and I recognize that the unfortunate reality about working in corporate America means you can’t just throw every "should" out the window. By joining a company, you’re implicitly signing up to deliver on certain responsibilities and expectations, whether you enjoy them or not.
But that doesn’t mean you’re stuck. The want-to-versus-should mindset isn’t about avoiding responsibilities—it’s about reframing how you approach them and prioritizing joy wherever you can - and I have helped many business leaders learn how to do this! It’s a mindset that works in both your professional and personal life, helping you make decisions that align with your values and energy.
So, how do you add more "want" and reduce the "should" in your day-to-day as a busy C-suite leader? Here are some tips to get you started.
How to Add More "Want To” and Reduce "Should"
1. First, become aware of when you encounter a SHOULD and a WANT. Identify when something heightens or saps your energy.
Take a reality check by paying attention to how you feel when faced with a ‘to do’. What makes you feel excited and alive? Maybe it’s helping a client or colleague solve a complex problem, mentoring your team, or creating a long-term plan.
Now, think about the things that drain you or create some degree of dread. Is it those endless status updates, handling detailed administrative work, or spending time with someone that bores you? Understanding what fuels versus depletes you helps you prioritize activities that align with your strengths and interests.
2. Use the Want-To Filter for Time Management
The next time a task or project comes your way, ask yourself two simple questions:
Does this align with what I truly want to do?
If not, can I connect it to a bigger "want" in my life or career?
For example, maybe reviewing that massive budget proposal isn’t your favorite task, but it supports your goal of launching a new initiative you’re passionate about. Reframing even the less glamorous work can help you stay motivated.
3. Delegate Strategically
As a leader, your time and energy are precious. Free yourself to focus on your "wants" by delegating "shoulds" that don’t require your unique expertise.
For example, if detailed event planning isn’t your thing, hand it off to someone who thrives in that space. Or ask a team member to create an excel spreadsheet so together you can analyze the profitability of a new business. Delegating not only lightens your load but also empowers your team to grow.
4. Redefine Success in Corporate Terms
Some tasks may never spark joy (hello… annual performance reviews), but they’re part of the job. Instead of resisting them, connect them to a larger purpose.
For instance, since performance reviews will help your team members better achieve their KPIs, view it as a step toward achieving your group’s annual goals. In this light, the reviews become a catalyst to growth versus a drain on your precious time. It’s all about perspective.
5. Build a Joy-Focused Routine
Infuse small moments of joy into your day to counterbalance the "shoulds." Maybe you start meetings with a lighthearted icebreaker, schedule time to brainstorm creative ideas, or take a midday walk to recharge.
One CEO I know schedules 15 minutes daily to read inspiring articles about industry innovation. That little spark of curiosity keeps her energized through the day.
6. Set Boundaries Around Energy-Draining Activities
Some "shoulds" can’t be avoided – I categorize them more as “have tos”; but you can set limits to minimize their impact. For instance, if back-to-back meetings sap your energy, block off time on your calendar to recharge or prep for a meeting that you are looking forward to. Additionally, limit a “have to” meeting to 30 mins.
Another example: If you’re constantly answering emails late at night, set clear expectations about response times. Boundaries protect your energy and give you space to focus on what truly matters.
7. Reassess Regularly
Your "wants" and "shoulds" will evolve over time. Make it a habit to check in with yourself—quarterly, annually, or whenever you feel off-balance.
For instance, if you find yourself dreading certain tasks you used to enjoy, it might be time to reassess your responsibilities or delegate them to someone else. Staying aligned with your passions ensures you remain energized and effective.
The Ripple Effect of Joy
When you shift your focus to the things you want to do, the benefits extend far beyond your own productivity. Joyful leaders inspire their teams, foster innovation, and create a culture of positivity that ripples throughout the organization.
You don’t have to overhaul your entire work life to see these changes. Even small adjustments—like focusing on a single "want" task each day—can transform how you lead and how you feel.
So, the next time you’re faced with a decision, ask yourself: Is this a "want" or a "should"? The answer might just unlock the energy and authenticity you’ve been missing.
Ready to lean into your "wants"? It starts with self-awareness.