The Freedom Of Being More Authentic At Work + Why I Stopped Straightening My Hair
For as long as I can remember, I’ve been straightening my hair. Even in middle school, I thought straight hair = looking “put together.” Over time, it became a core part of my self-image - something I clung to as an unspoken rule of being polished and professional.
Then, about 15 years ago, my wavy hair developed a more distinct curl. I wasn’t entirely surprised—my twin sister has always had corkscrew curls—but I wasn’t prepared for how this change would challenge my self-perception.
During this time, I was also building my business. As the sole business developer, the face of my brand, I was navigating the nerve-wracking world of entrepreneurship. Reinventing how I presented myself—literally—didn’t even cross my mind. Straight hair was part of my professional persona, and I didn’t dare mess with that formula.
But as time passed, as I began coaching senior leaders on the importance of authenticity, I ultimately realized I needed to take my own counsel. I encouraged other leaders to bring their true selves to work, to let their personalities shine through, and to stop hiding behind self-imposed facades.
I helped my clients see that being their authentic selves at work would help them:
Show up with a greater degree of transparency
Bring them more joy
Implicitly give others permission to be themselves
Connect more deeply with their teams and clients
In case you’re wondering, yes I was sitting there in my ironed, “sensible bob” as I gave them this advice. Oh, the irony!
So, I experimented. I started wearing my hair curly. At first, it felt risky—like I was breaking an unspoken rule. But the response was astonishing. People found me more approachable, less intense. And the best part? It saved me hours of time and stress.
Then came COVID, which obliterated many of our ideas about professionalism. Suddenly, no one cared about appearances—we were all just trying to keep our businesses afloat while navigating the chaos of remote work. By the time we returned to in-person interactions, I had fully embraced my curls.
What I learned from leaning in to my authentic self
This journey taught me a few powerful lessons:
Competence Speaks Louder Than Appearances
If you’re good at what you do, and you’re comfortable in your ‘own skin’, people will want to work with you. Full stop. Your abilities, not your hair or other manicured aspects of your appearance, are what truly matter.Confidence is Magnetic
When you feel comfortable in your own skin, others will sense it and be drawn to you. Confidence, more than conformity, is what leaves a lasting impression.Authenticity is an Evolution
For many of us—especially Gen Xers and Boomers—ideas about professionalism are deeply ingrained. But times have changed. Younger generations are redefining what it means to be authentic at work, and we can learn a lot from their example.
Baby Steps Toward Authenticity
If embracing your true self at work feels daunting, you’re not alone. Many people fear that being fully authentic, letting their guard down, will make them more vulnerable or potentially less respected. But authenticity doesn't have to mean baring your soul or ignoring workplace norms—it’s about showing up in ways that feel true to who you are while respecting the context of your environment.
Here are some tips to help you take those first steps:
1. Start Small with Personal Expression
Your appearance can be a subtle yet powerful way to show your authentic self. Maybe it’s a piece of jewelry that holds personal meaning, a tie showcasing a beloved piece of art, a concert tee from your favorite band under a blazer, or—even like me—your natural hair.
Start with something that feels safe but significant. It’s a small gesture that can help you feel more comfortable in your skin, while still holding your head high, and signal authenticity to others. You will become a role model to others.
2. Be transparent about your Thought Process
If you’re someone whose mind works faster than most, you may unintentionally intimidate your team members. Without realizing it, your rapid thought process might lead others to feel ‘inferior’ and prevent them from asking clarifying questions for fear of appearing dumb. Instead of powering through ideas at lightning speed, take a moment to share how you developed your point of view to ensure that you are bringing others along.
For example, you might say, “Let me walk you through my thinking so we’re all on the same page.” This approach fosters trust and makes others feel included, encouraging collaboration and open dialogue.
3. Share about your hobbies and interests
A great baby step to building authenticity with colleagues is being more forth-coming about who you are as a person, e.g., how you spend your time away from work - especially if it’s different from what your colleagues do. This can be as simple as saying “I played pickleball this weekend” or “I did some woodworking” when a colleague asks what you did last weekend. This provides a glimpse into your full self beyond work.
If you “let your hair down”, others will too!
4. Share Your Vulnerabilities Wisely
Being authentic doesn’t mean oversharing, but letting your guard down occasionally to reveal a ‘safe’ vulnerability can build stronger connections. For example, you can share a story about a professional challenge you’ve faced or admit when you don’t have all the answers.
For example, “I’m navigating this for the first time too—let’s brainstorm solutions together” shows humility and invites others to engage meaningfully without fear of being judged.
5. Celebrate Small Wins
Revealing your authenticity is a journey, not a destination. Each small step—whether it’s wearing your natural hair, having the courage to express a dissenting opinion, or being transparent with colleagues about how you arrived at your point of view—is worth honoring and celebrating.
Take time to reflect on how these changes make you feel and the impact they have on your relationships at work.
Authenticity as a Leadership Superpower
When you bring your authentic self to work, you empower others to do the same. This isn’t just about personal fulfillment—it’s about fostering a culture where people feel safe to share ideas, take risks, and contribute their best.
Remember: Authenticity doesn’t mean perfection. It’s about being real, relatable, and resilient. And sometimes, that starts with something as simple as letting your hair curl.
Ready to take the first step toward authenticity? Start small, stay consistent, and watch how your confidence—and your impact—grow. And if you’d like coaching help to be your most authentic self, I’d love to chat!